u wanna cyber
by Jonathan Quince
Wednesday, March 30, 2005 16:14:06
Today is a momentous day in the history of Sopef — and indeed, in the happenings of the Internet at large. For long and lonely nights had I spent in waking solitude, checking my mailbox in the hope that somebody, somewhere would make use of the Sopef Contact Web-Form. And this afternoon, after three months being a virgin, it finally saw its first usage.
When I saw the mail flag for a web-form message, my heart raced to my throat. What awesome wonders awaited me? What connections to luminous and intelligent beings might now be made? Intrigued and excited, I opened the e-mail to see that “tom” had written thus:
have u got msn and up for a bit of cyber
I passed the offer on to Rachel K. [], but she demurred; and much as I have been known to occasionally get it on and rock hard o’er the ether, I must say that illiterate cybersex leaves me with a headache and a floppy disk. So, lonesome as “tom” must be, I wrote back with the one urgent question that I had for him:
do u speke enlgish??!!!!1
Yet, few words as I have for “tom”, I must speak to the rest of my readership: Come on, people! Is that the best you can do? Sweet Jesette on quince salad! Please speak up and reassure me that, contrary to age-old wisdom, the Internet population doesn’t actually have the total collective IQ of a toasted walnut. And who knows? Mayhap if you amuse me well enough, I might even cyber with you. ;-)