Easter Sermon: Rabbits and Ova and Chicks (Oh My!)
by Jonathan Quince
Sunday, March 27, 2005 01:35:52
Jesette is risen! Glory be; hallelujah!
In the name of Jesette Christina, we are gathered here today. And in pondering the awesome mystery of Her resurrection, we reflect on the traditions that have signified this wonder for generations of the faithful. Therefore, consider now, my congregation, the odder symbols of this holiday: The rabbit, the egg, and the chick.
Few creatures can equal the rabbit as a symbol of sex and fertility. Our cute little bunny, she of long floppy ears and a wiggly nose, is profligate and promiscuous as any of God’s creatures. Her fertility is unmatched; her reproductive pace, difficult to keep up with; her sexual partners, too numerous to count. Yes, she is both a cum-slut and a baby-making machine.
Two He made them, male and female; and He commanded them, be fruitful and multiply. The rabbit fulfills God’s commandments with a devout zeal that only the strongest of faith (and libido) may hope to equal.
And when considering God’s sacred sexual sacrament, few symbols are more pregnant with meaning than the egg. Two He made them, again: Ovum, the female’s contribution to new life, and spermatozoon, the male’s key to her lock. In lower creatures, the egg becomes an external sign of life in genesis; in humans, as ’most all mammals, the egg sallies forth bravely toward the womb, asking by its nature to be fertilized and made fruitful.
As God made the egg, in honor of life and of God Himself, I tell you females in attendance: Let your eggs not be wasted! Fertilize them by wanton acts; miss no opportunity to provision them with seed. And even when you are not ovulating, be sure to keep your reproductive system in shape through regular practice; remember, your eggs need you to copulate with such frequency as can only be achieved through comfortable familiarity with the act.
And men, your part is no less vital. A fertile field is no better than barren unless it is sown with the richest seed. Rest not your plowshare; let not your coulter rust for want of use; miss no opportunity to inseminate a woman. Plow her with vigor, as the disciplined farmer drips sweat from his brow by the virtue of hard work; plant her early and often throughout the season, for no time is wrong for this crop. The egg of Easter is a symbol of your duty to ensure that no egg, and no woman bearing egg, is left without opportunity for fulfillment. I tell you, God gave unto you a priapic wonder that you may discharge this duty with honor. Spurn not God by avoidance of coital acts.
Finally, we come to the chick. The chick is a symbol of dual meanings: It stands for the fruit of creation, the completion of ovulatory destiny, the newborn sprung so lively from the egg; yet also it is a sign of innocent femininity coming of age, of girls becoming women in their prime of fertility.
Chicks are warm, fluffy, and cute. They are brimming with life, with life at its very beginning; thereby do they symbolize both the new life of birth and the renewed life of Christina’s resurrection. On that level, the chick is an encouragement to produce chicks of your own — and therefore, as well, to spend yourself mightily in the process of so producing.
And on another level, men chase chicks as they lust for fast cars. Repress yourselves not, o men, for this impulse is naught other than divine: A chick in full heat is a field ripe for plowing, and a field never plowed is ripe for the farmer’s duty.
Hear me now: Let no virgin escape your seduction, alpha male, lest her vital fertility be for aught. The waste of a virgin is a shame in God’s eyes, for a virgin not deflowered is a fertile field that the farmer has abandoned. Virgins are both harvest to be reaped and new soil to be broken; for they are ripening fruit from the previous generation, yet new vessels to be consecrated for the next.
Yes, o faithful: Rabbits and ova and chicks are all symbols of fruitfulness, symbols of carnal unity, symbols of renewal in God’s miracle of life. Hark! For a new age is dawning. And as the archangel Gabriella (nee Gabriel) blew a horn to announce Christina’s resurrection in glory, so these simple symbols bring us a message in humility — and so must we become a message unto each other and to others that Christina’s life, death, and resurrection are living salvation for us all.
This brings us back to the very reason we are hereby gathered: Today is a celebration of miraculous new life. As such, we come together in Christina’s name to sanctify life and its continuance. And what better way is there, o Lady, for us to mark this Easter holiday in Your holy name than by perpetuating life through its functions of carnal enjoyment?
Let us pray:
Lady Jesette, Queen of Kings, You are victorious over death! You have conquered sin and suffering by Your sacrifice of dying, nailed in agony to the Venus Cross. You have redeemed us all by arising again, replacing death with life, vanquishing death and casting death into the outer darkness as you miraculously rise to walk again in life everlasting.
Jesette, our Lady, we come together this day in Your Name to celebrate Your holy mysteries. Look not harshly on our sin, damn us not for our weakness; but bless us with Your glory so that with You, we may rise to life eternal with Your Heavenly Father. We beseech You, bring us close to Your Sacred Heart and inside You in Your love, accept these modest words of veneration, grant us this benediction that we may hold You in our simple hearts as Your Father holds us in the palm of His Hand, as You hold us in Your Sacred Cunt.
The saints bow in worship and the angels sing Your praises. At our humble congregation this day, we remember Your sacred words: Wherever two or three of you gather in My name, I am there with you. As we kneel before You in homage to Your glory, we implore You, bless our gathering and sanctify our togetherness. Bring us closer, o Lady, bring us closer in reverence to You and in love of each other. Ignite our hearts and our loins with Your spirit; bind us together in spirit and in flesh; bless our rites of exaltation and our rituals’ adoration as now, on the day of Your rising, we celebrate new life with orgy of flesh and spirit.
In the sight of the Lady Jesette Christina do we speak forth with this humble prayer of words and deeds.
In the name of the Father, and the Transsexual Daughter, and the Holy Spirit:
Amen.