What…!?
by Jonathan Quince
Sunday, January 16, 2005 20:09:25
What do I expect out of you, lubricious female?
A good fuck, for one thing. In as much, I think that you know quite well enough what I want; so let’s be honest, cut the socially correct bullshit, and call a spade a spade. I want to fuck you. I want your body, I want it naked, and I want to be inside of it from several different angles. To hear you moan and scream, to feel you wriggle in my arms, to share of various bodily fluids — you get the idea.†
Art. I want artwork, too, and I expect to get it: Something to admire for my private collection. You will arouse my senses — aesthetic, intellectual, and otherwise. So come, now, to be an object of beauty for my personal enjoyment.
I am hungry. Ravenous, really, both body and mind. It is my nature, my nature I must obey. And as the brilliant little star you have made of yourself, you fit the bill in both the aforementioned respects. You have a stunning body, a sharp wit, and many interesting talents. You are an enlivening morsel, and you probably taste good with ketchup‡. Be a good girl and feed my lusts.
Oh, I could easily fall at your feet weeping and make a fool of myself. I am madly in love with you; and last I checked, my credentials as a fool were still full certified. (I keep ’em up by making a fool of myself on a regular basis, usually over a gorgeous female such as yourself.) But I doubt you’d be amused; and more importantly, I would not be amused at all since it has happened just a few too many times. Therefore, I think that this is the better route: I’ll just hit on you brazen-like and be uncouthly forthright in my intentions††. That way, I will avoid merely being a fool; instead, I will be a crazy, zany, overzealous fool, which gains so many more fool-points than an ordinary, garden-variety fool-in-love ever may.
Of course, your reaction is yours to give. What say you?
† Did I mention that I go wild for full, bare skin-on-skin contact?
‡ Ketchup and mushrooms, mmmmm. Got a recipe?
†† Since when did honesty become a crime? Ahh, yes, that’s right: We’re dealing with male-female interaction issues here. Gotcha.