Ho, Ho, Ho!
by Jonathan Quince
Thursday, December 25, 2003 07:10:09
For some, it's a secular time of pine trees and crass commercialism; for others, it is a sacred moment to remember what happened nine months after God purportedly knocked up a ostensible virgin. For me, 'tis the season to indulge traditions I ordinarily ignore, a time to pay homage to one of the only holidays I was raised with that I actually bother about.
Merry though that may be, I'm not celebrating Christmas today. Due to scheduling complications, my official Christmas party is being held next Monday. In attendance with me shall be one Jew, one secularist in Catholic's clothing (or Catholic in secularist's clothing — I'm not sure which), and several beloved four-footed persons. And a ghost.
This means that I am spending the holiday performing mundane household chores and playing with my favorite new toy. For her part, Vivian shall wile away her time furiously studying and assisting with said household chores. I hope to take her through her first real “guided meditation” session this afternoon, too.
However, none of this precludes me from entertaining a bit of holiday spirit. If she performs to standard today, Vivian shall have her first sexual release under my hand by the end of the meditation. I plan to bring her to that odd place where she is floating off in some otherworldly aether, leaving me in complete control of her body; at that point, I can induce her to any sensations I will with a minimum of physical exertion on my part.
Oh come, all ye faithful. Pay witness to the clean efficiency of orgasms scheduled with clinical objectivity and precision.
In totally unrelated news, I shall also be attending a New Year's party next week. For me, this is an extraordinary event; I usually decline party invites (which means that most people are wise enough to leave me off the list unless I have previously indicated an inclination to attend). I am not what you'd call a party animal; I prefer other forms of entertainment.